A bit of wisdom to pass along to your SO

Women are like phones.

They like to be held, talked to, and touched often.

But push the wrong button and you're disconnected!

Think your jewelry is too blah? Put a penis on it!

You can find out more about these penis amulets here. 

Plus, they're for sale!

It's Mayhem Monday!

Happy Birthday cakes that will definitely please the male in your household!

You can view more such cakes,

including risque bridal shower cakes, here.

The Romans certainly knew what they were doing!

I often wonder what parents, who take their children overseas on vacation, say when accosted by such "explicit" statuary.  I mean, Rome is filled with such graphic representation (especially the female kind.)

By the same token, what does the museum guide tell a group of elementary students, visiting the art museum on a field trip, when they first glimpse the Venus De Milo?

Wanna get revenge?

Yep, that's Jello.  So once everyone has a laugh, you can eat the joke!

"Hecho En China"? WTF?

My St. John's Bay sweater tag says "HECHO EN CHINA".
Does that mean it arrived at my JC Penny from China by way of Mexico?

Quickies: A Meal in Minutes

Ever have those days you can't figure out what the hell to fix for supper?  Every so often I'm going to post a quickie (basically a meal you can fix in just minutes, with less than a handful of ingredients.)  BTW, my picky eater hubby loves it, so I can't complain.

BEEF TIPS AND RICE

Ingredients: 
1 pkg. stew meat
1 pkg. brown gravy mix (I like Pioneer's)
2 cups uncooked white rice
1 tbl. onion flakes

1 tbl. olive oil

salt and pepper to taste
(Optional:  sliced red and green bell peppers)

Heat oil in a large skillet, and add onion flakes.  Salt and pepper stew meat, and brown on medium high in skillet.  (Add bell peppers here if you're wanting them.)  Mix gravy mix in glass - DOUBLE the amount of water - and add to browned meat.  While mixture simmers and gravy thickens, fix rice.  Feeds 4.

Ya know that little trunk pull in the back of your car?

Did ja ever notice the "picture" on it?

RUN, FORREST, RUN!

It's good to be a woman.

I am only as strong as the coffee I drink, the hairspray I use, and the friends I have.

It is good to be a woman:

1. We got off the Titanic first.

2. We can scare male bosses with mysterious gynecological disorder excuses.

3. Taxis stop for us.

4. We don 't look like a frog in a blender when dancing.

5. No fashion faux pas we make could ever rival the Speedo (which Aussie men call "Budgie Smugglers") lol

6. We don 't have to pass gas to amuse ourselves.

7. If we forget to shave, no one has to know.

8. We can congratulate our teammate without ever touching her rear end.

9. We never have to reach down every so often to make sure our privates are still there.

10. We have the ability to dress ourselves.

11. We can talk to the opposite sex without having to picture them naked.

12. If we marry someone 20 years younger, we are aware that we will look like an idiot.

13. We will never regret piercing our ears.

14. There are times when chocolate really can solve all your problems.

It's Mayhem Monday!

A friend sent me this.  I love it!  Pube shampoo!  Nothing like a woman hiding her naturally sexy, musky scent with artificial mint.  And get a load of the price!  Jeez, haven't these people ever heard of SOAP?

Arrgh!

Has anyone started a story, then gone back a few weeks (or months) later to pick it up and finish it, AND CAN'T FIND THE FRIGGIN' FOLDER SHE'D LEFT IT IN?

This does not compute.

Over on Amazon, Janet Evanovich's reissue of HERO AT LARGE is $9.59 on the Kindle.  In plain ole paperback, it's $7.99. 
http://www.amazon.com/Hero-at-Large-Janet-Evanovich/dp/0061985945/ref=sr_1_4?ie=UTF8&s=books&qid=1269011841&sr=1-4

If I order it on Fictionwise, it's $11.99 (not counting discount).
http://www.fictionwise.com/ebooks/b106479/a-href-ebooks-b106479-Hero-at-Large-Janet-Evanovich-si0Hero-at-Large-a/Janet-Evanovich/?&si=0

What gives?  I thought e-prices were supposed to be CHEAPER.  Whereas this is telling me that driving down to the local B&N would be less costly.

Are ebooks becoming more expensive because of the convenience?

I love a great joke.

These classifieds actually ran in a Minneapolis newspaper - a smile for your day.

FREE YORKSHIRE TERRIER.
8-years old. Hateful little bastard. Bites!

FREE PUPPIES:
1/2 Cocker Spaniel, 1/2 sneaky neighbor's dog.

FOUND DIRTY WHITE DOG.
Looks like a rat. Been out a while.
Better be a big reward.


COWS, CALVES: NEVER BRED.
Also 1 gay bull for sale.

FREE PUPPIES.
Mother, AKC German Shepherd.
Father, Super Dog...able to leap tall fences in a single bound.

NORDIC TRACK
$300 Hardly used, call Chubby.

GEORGIA PEACHES
California grown - 89 cents/lb.

JOINING NUDIST COLONY!
Must sell washer and dryer $300.

WEDDING DRESS FOR SALE.
Worn once by mistake. Call Stephanie .

And the best one?

FOR SALE BY OWNER:
Complete set of Encyclopedia Britannica, 45 volumes. Excellent condition. $1,000 or best offer. No longer needed.  Got married last month. Husband knows everything

It's a Best Seller!

It's official! CHICKEN FRIED BEEFCAKE hit the top ten best sellers list on Fictionwise, which makes it a Red Rose Best Seller!

An Irish Wish, Some Humor, and a Laddie

Have a Happy Saint Patrick's Day!

(From she whose name is Gregg!)

Notso Hotso Innymore? - Mel Gibson

Oh, geesh.  When I look at the way he looked back then (in the 80s), and the way he looks today (all controversial stuff aside), don't you agree Mel was a HUNK in his heyday?

It's Mayhem Monday!

When it comes to condoms, the French don't fool around!  They just unveiled this enormous condom-shaped hot air balloon to help promote AIDS awareness, and to stress the importance of using condoms for safe sex.  You can read more about it here.

Click on the picture for a "bigger" version.

Is it or isn't it flag desecration?

I'm not against the model or the bikini, but I thought there was a law against flag desecration.  Or maybe that's the US flag you can't stomp on, cut up, spraypaint over, etc.

The lake is crowded today.

I live on the Pedernales River, right off Lake Travis.  The sound of outboard motors and jet skis are a constant noise coming off the water today.  Scads of water skiers.

Not too far down the river, right around a couple of bends, is the infamous Hippie Hollow.  Yep, people actually like to go au natural over there.  They're a very friendly bunch of folks, too!  They wave and smile and yell at you if you go by. 

You're welcome to click the pic for a larger version.

Jumping Jehosephat!

Just when you think you've seen it all, there's an artist named Antony Gormley who has created life-sized human representations, and strategically placed them on ledges and roof tops all over New York City.  Of course, the hue and cry has gone up that these figures look too much like attempted suicides.  The artist says he's trying to "cause awareness".  To me, it's like another "anything to attract attention" scenario.  You can read more about it here.

Aphrodisiacs - Fer real?

Do aphrodisiacs really work?  Or is it because of the mindset that we want to believe they work?  Or is it the "mood" of the moment, since use of an aphrodisiac usually leads to a "planned" seduction?

25? 30? 40?

Back when I was a fresh and sexy young thing, I slept in the nude.  So did a lot of other people I know when the subject came up and everyone felt like sharing.

Which got me to thinking... at what point, what age, did I stop snoozing in the buff and start wearing jammies?  And why?  Was there a cold winter when I had to pull on a flannel nightgown, and never went back to the bare basics?  How old was I when that occurred?

I really can't remember, but hubby has also slipped into the boxer-and-t-shirt group for choice of attire, when we used to snuggled flesh to flesh. 

Ahh, the memories.

Same Song, Different Verse

Met hubby for dinner.  Afterwards he went to do his thing at Academy, and I hit Barnes & Noble. 

I've been inside a lot of bookstores.  With the exception of the mom and pop establishments, they all feel like the same thing.  Carbon copies.  B&N, Borders, Waldenbooks, B. Dalton.  And I'm not talking about layout.  I'm talking about content.

To me, bookstores should be like department stores.  Target, KMart, Walmart - they're similar, but each one is still vastly different.  Ditto for stores like Bealls, Kohl's, Dillards, JC Penny - they're all selling clothing, but you don't see almost identical content.  Not like the major bookstores have.

Wonder why there can't be more variety?  More independent titles?  If they did, maybe one day I could overhear people say, "Let's go to B&N.  They have Red Rose titles there."

It's Mayhem Monday!

Too good not to pass on

A gynecologist had become fed up with malpractice insurance and HMO paperwork, and was burned out. Hoping to try another career where skillful hands would be beneficial, he decided to become a mechanic. He went to the local technical college, signed up for evening classes, attended diligently, and learned all he could.


When the time of the practical exam approached, the gynecologist prepared carefully for weeks, and completed the exam with tremendous skill. When the results came back, he was surprised to find that he had obtained a score of 150%. Fearing an error, he called the Instructor, saying, "I don't want to appear ungrateful for such an outstanding result, but I wonder if there is an error in the grade?"

"The instructor said, "During the exam, you took the engine apart perfectly, which was worth 50% of the total mark. You put the engine back together again perfectly, which is also worth 50% of the mark." After a pause, the instructor added, "I gave you an extra 50% because you did it all through the muffler, which I've never seen done in my entire career."

Full Body Scanners - The joke's on them!

Hubby and I were discussing possible summer vacation plans, when I caught a glance of the latest headlines.  More full body scanners are going into airports.  Of course, a lot of people are so afraid of "having certain areas of their bodies" exposed.  Hahahaha! Doesn't bother me.  I know what I got ain't pretty.  I'd be amused just to see their expressions when I go through the machines!

I love the DPS!

When I was driving home, I caught the DPS seeding the sides of the road.  Wonderful!  That means in a few short weeks there will be swathes of bluebonnets, as well as Indian paintbrush, and loads of other wildflowers, blooming in abundance!

Prizes or $$ ?

A friend of mine won $1000 on a scratch-off lottery ticket.  Her good luck got us talking about "what we would do if we won the lottery".  Then we got to talking about what we would do if we got onto a game show.  What game show would we like to be on?  Heck with the game shows.  Too much left up to chance, and I'm too old to have to remember a ton of trivia.  No, put me in the audience when Oprah does her Favorite Things giveaway!

When does the new season of shows begin?

Other than the Olympics, which I didn't watch with a lot of fervor, there isn't a lot of programming on TV that I care to watch.  So I've been haunting my local Blockbuster (when they greet you by name when you walk in, you know you're a regular.)  Still, when's the new crop of shows due out?  Anything look interesting?

I'll be glad when my muse gets back from vacation.

Chicken Fried Beefcake is Now at Fictionwise, and 15% Off!

Chicken Fried Beefcake is now at Fictionwise, and 15% off for a limited time!

http://www.fictionwise.com/ebooks/b105583/Chicken-Fried-Beefcake/Carolyn-Gregg/?si=0

Beth was wanting out of her engagement to Wyatt when she met his younger brother Billy. But where Wyatt was suave and worldly, Billy was a hick country boy who didn't mind getting his hands dirty. Yet there was something about Billy's gentle ways that touched her heart. Unfortunately, Beth was a born klutz. Bad luck followed her wherever she went, and Beth was positive bad luck would continue to plague her if she allowed herself to fall in love with Billy. That was before she fell into a stock tank, and right into Billy's arms!

It's Mayhem Monday!

This is an honest-to-God Dolce & Gabbana ad.
What do you think of when you see this?